31 January 2015

Mind's eye

When I heard you were still alive Bushfires raged wildly across my mind's landscape

When I saw that you remembered me it triggered a flood of reminiscences long ago tapped down by fire hydrant outlet cap or sucked into the cavernous everthirsting cracks or vaporized in voluminous emptyness of sub zero space

When you reached out to touch me I nearly disappeared

In that smile the world slipped away

In your eyes relentless time held no sway

In this rickety mind a cobbled together patchwork misshapen images words jumbled up clips like a freshman's notebook

What memories! I don't know where memories go

Off to Barbados with the set of keys mislaid

here's the day I met you he was off tending bar in Bangkok but he's come back again - those nights with Lao drinking Chang having run the tuk tuk through the young lads with adult foreigner suitors and that's all a wickedness in itself but I was there with you I'm sure of it or did I only read about it and then picture us there because I wanted to do everything with you - a tad exhausted

he's changed but how would I know maybe he's exactly the same as I remember

Did that really happen like that?

O and look who else has meandered slopingly in not to be undone I guess - just looks h e r part really

on the Lawn you so tenderly eyeing the scene all ague bit so lovely with your hair  dripping down and your half curled up smile on one side

Where was she? - Exploring the acidic wasteland on the bowels of the Gobi

Kind of unreal how a whole life can subsist tucked in there (in where?) snug and sound

Moons to moons and Suns to Suns
$ and cents
This that can't match the mining

I don't know anymore which of those were real but I do know that a while ago I stopped caring they are mine and I'll treasure them whether they #accuratelyreflect reality or not mine to mine or cultivate

What is reality anyway other than perception = so be it

Sure you shrug you scoffer "what if I inflict pain then is your reality only perception?" Yes the short answer is. Esse est percipi.

Until I lose my mind that's what I have + they are timeless everything synchronous

I close my eyes to see space boundless

Chimes the clock and I see again I tell myself I won't forget this feeling I won't forget this moment

I see it like it's right there right now but the only bits I can retrieve are me reminding myself not to forget that moment but I can't see what that moment was

And I wonder how will I mold this moment and what it will resemble when I try to reassemble it in a future time [will it only be what I emphasize?] - deterioration of remembrance minerals thru recurring excavation cycles - it might be a sales pitch for a retrieval system - in through the adit out through the exhaust shaft.com...

And what is the future? Isn't everything that happens already the past

Will I only remember that I didn't want to forget something significant? and who's asking anyway?

Where's the Wire s zig & zag in gnarled balls crammed together in an ephemeral borderless world I know when I open my eyes I'll still be in the room with the noisy air duct my wife never fails to remind me to fix and as I think it I start to hear it

Have you heard about this: The memory nebulae? bristling bustling subsiding dwindling alight birthing dying all synapses and neurons {-al} circuits connected, closed or opened flipping pages of experiences all as real as imaginary or imagined as reality   

A dark night on frog land a sky radiant dancing with color alive like us and I'm watching you glowing

Nostalgia is effortless
it is the time-constrained mining of an infinite space and realizing not everything can be recovered even if it's all there to cull because there's no time because time runs down and

Nostalgia is the is of a character it is an inward facing rebuke a hand slap and embrace a
realization there's no going back.
It's the song ending in a minor chord
It's the story ending with the hero fading into muted sunset
It's the fish getting the worm
It's her hand finding his/ or hers/ or his/ or his/ or mine

This mine is mine

It/s your touch reawakening the remorse in which I found regret

but we all have regret.

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